Brock Whitworth Feedback

[brockwhitworth]

First RP Posted! Le me know what you think!

[Darin Zion]

One thing that'll help you know some feedback is our grading system. Here's where we focus on the most:

Trash Talk/Match Relevance (MR):
Character Development (CD) (what your character does outside PWX):
Description (DES) (accurately picturing where you cut your promo):
Creativity (CR) (what makes your character different than any PWX character like just cutting the normal promo with trash talk):
Other (MISC)(showing before deadline, doing TWO RPs, grammar for some others not, and what you do for PWX outside the normal RP and show up etc).

With that being said here's how I'd grade this if I were a judge (which I am not):

MR: 3, great intro, but honestly, it didn't tell me why you won the match. It was a great introduction, but old accomplishments in PWX aren't always the highlight.

CD: 2, it's basic development, but honestly man, I'll challenge you to develop something outside PWX as a story. Give us more of your Brazil background and why you're in wrestling.

Des: 3, basic, right where we think it should be, but could be better.

Creativity: 2.5, basic, but points for the back story and giving me an idea.

Misc: My misc as a judge are Grammar and effort (outside RP and inside). Grammar was great, few errors, and you had your RP in on Monday. You've stepped up our OOC (which again doesn't weigh anything but a bonus point if I needed it) but this is where I'd give you praise type deal. With Grammar and early up time before the day of the deadline, you get a five (5). Had your grammar hammered you, I'd have balanced you out so I wouldn't knock you completely down to a three.

So what I do whenever I judge a match: (5+2.5+3+2+3)/5 = 3.1 as your score.

That's how I've been judging when I do it. I'm not official. So take this as a rubric for all. But my feedback, develop your CD and description a bit more and add a bit more of the MR as to why your training is important to keep PWX on watch besides that you can kick major ass. I feel honestly, you've got the moon to work with. But yeah, this was an unofficial judging as I wanted to respond with that as a feedback to help the roster understand how some of us grade here. That score will not be reflected in your judging this week. Nor does this reflect HOLLYWOOD'S judging style. But I wanted to take your excitement unlike I haven't done and use it as a tool for everyone .

If I give feedback (and you've asked), you'll see how I would have judged you in said feedback as I am a judge on the roster when needed in major circumstances. i want to teach people what I judge on to build a great team of judges.

[Darin Zion]

Correction to my mr that's outside pwx not in.

[brockwhitworth]

This is some of the greatest feedback I've ever gotten. Thanks Darin, I'll definitely take this into account for my next match! I really appreciate it brother!

[Darin Zion]

You are welcome, I can be nitpicky but I love developing new talents.

[brockwhitworth]

It's that time of the week again! Let me know your thoughts. Thanks!

[Deleted]

Dude... solid work. Right from the intro, you got my interest. I love, love, LOVE the dialogue between Brock & Guap. I like the interaction in the narrative... It felt natural, it felt real. I've always been told that's one of my strong suits, and I can definitely tell it's one of yours as well. I loved your use of adjectives, along with your descriptions. As Darin said concerning last week's piece, not OVERLY detailed... but right on point. Stryker is another guy I've gotten to know a bit about via Twitter, and I know he'll give you a run for your money. But from the looks of this first promo, he's gonna have to come back harder. I don't know all too much about either character, but just from reading this one RP I can tell there's some history there, and that's a great way to grab any reader's attention...

.......but oh. My. GAWD.

...the trash talk. Dude? That's where you SHINE. I could hear him speaking in my mind, and THAT is the sign of a legit roleplayer. I could picture him actually giving the promo, I could hear every word as I read it, and THAT felt real, no joke. I could tell he wasn't "seething with rage"...but he had a different kinda passion. The will to prove himself against the guy that broke him into the biz. To show Stryker that he may have taught Brock everything he KNEW...but the big guy may have just picked up a few tricks along the way. You threw in one of my absolute favorite quotes, one I try to live by. Never give up, never surrender.

And always, ALWAYS leave the trash talk on a clincher. A phrase that seals the deal, and leaves an impression...and you did JUST that.

And the reunion, I LOVE how you led into that. From the phone call with Guap, I had a feeling it was a lady friend, but had NO idea it'd be Brock's sister. I liked that whole segment, and the mother embracing her son... I couldn't help but let out an 'awwww'...

And then, when Hannah dropped the 'C' word... I literally felt shocked. Again, your dialogue is absolutely perfect, you nail it every time, and it really sold the severity of that final scene. Like I said... leave it on a clincher. And that made for a TREMENDOUS cliffhanger, and it legit made me wanna see how things turn out.

I'm glad I made PWX one of The cWo's spots. Cuz I got to read this, I'll be able to work with you, and I can tell now, you've got the ability. There's a LOTTA writers in this game, but a LOT of 'em don't really have "it". But you do. Keep rollin', keep puttin' in work, and I can tell you're gonna be one to watch out for.

Thanks for bringin' me here, man. Good luck. ^__^

-- $hane-o-Mac 3ry

[brockwhitworth]

Hey thanks a lot man, I really appreciate it! I'm glad you decided to come here as well, maybe we can work something out together! Best of luck in your matches, I'm really hyped about the CWO.

Oh, and I'm Chris by the way, it's been a pleasure meeting you

[Deleted]

Thank YOU!! My name is Shane, obviously, & I am GLAD The Crue is already starting to pick up a following. ^__^ As I've mentioned on Twitter and elsewhere, The cWo doesn't have a 'home' fed. They "tour", ala a rock band. A little somethin' like this --

Free agents, part-time contracts, moving from place to place. Their focus isn't on gold, or cashing checks. It's putting on a show for their 'Crue-saders', the ones that dig what they're doing, whether that be the wrestling fans OR the wrestlers themselves.

Here. Have a T-shirt....

....'specially designed by Tifa BonJovi, Gothic Goddess & Queen of The Crue, AT your service!! XD


Anywayz, I'm CERTAINLY looking forward tah workin' with ya, ESPECIALLY after reading your interview on eWzine....you do NOT realize how much that meant. Thank you, man. EVER so much. Can't wait till you return from your LoA, and take care dude. ^.^

~ Shane-o

[brockwhitworth]

Hey, I like fresh ideas in this game, and you've got one. I'll be a Crue-sader anytime!

[brockwhitworth]

It's that time again boys and girls. Read and let me know! Thanks!

[brockwhitworth]

Next one up! Read, reply, tear it up!

[brockwhitworth]

Bump it up again.